Stop Asking Couples If Children Are Expected In the Future

Abigail Schrauth

To begin with, no couple is ever obligated to have children, or even want them. Ever. It’s a belief that we’re just here to procreate and die. However, we have the ability to live life how we choose and that’s our prerogative. More than a hundred couples decided they don’t want children in their future. More still aren’t ready and having a ring on their finger doesn’t automatically leave them with a deadline. Even worse could be that the couple being pressed for a baby announcement are in the midst of fighting about it themselves, with one side ready to have a little one and the other completely against it. Whatever their placement on the spectrum of ‘not wanting a kid’, it’s awkward to feel like you have to answer and it forces people to either cover with excuses or to bluntly admit the truth and face a wall of raised eyebrows, dropped monocles and splutters of dismay. ‘But WHY don’t you want kids? You’d make such a good mom/dad!’ Many parents will know that it doesn’t stop when you actually have a baby. “Immediately the ‘when are you giving them a brother or sister?’ questions start, which are equally insensitive, prying and infuriating.” According to Duncan Lindsay.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter why couples haven’t had a baby yet. It is not in their requirement to say whether or not they plan to, it may not be something they want to discuss and you could be actively hurting them. “For the sake of the couples out there who have things going on in their lives that contribute to them not having a child, please banish this bit of chat out of your familial relationships forever”. Even if there are no issues, it’s infuriating to think that we all still seem expected to follow a pattern. In a modern society where every life and situation is different, why should it be considered odd that a couple in their thirties don’t have children? Some people have children young, some people have them old. Some have them while single, some have them while married, some never get married and have them and some never have them at all. And some simply can’t have children and do not need to be constantly reminded of it, as if they don’t think about it enough as it is.

Duncan said, “There’s only one thing that is common and consistent for everyone. And that is that a couples’ conversation over having kids or not is their business and theirs alone. So stop asking.”